Sunday, June 20, 2010


So, I've been wondering what to write on here for sometime now...

Hmmm... so life update:
* Got a job! Woot. I've been working for about a month for USU. I work at Child Care Resource and Referral.
* Foot's fine. Nothing new. Kinda has been hurting a lot more lately. My brace is getting annoying... wearing plastic in the summer is no beuno. But, I notice how much harder things are without it. What ya gonna do?
* Summerfest was this weekend. I LOVE summerfest. Each year I always say how next year I'm going to get a booth. This year is no different... Next year, I'm going to get a booth. (I made a bag, and I got asked about it a million times. Apparently, it was the cutest thing there)
* Hmmm.... today was Father's Day... but you knew that.
* My cousin Paul got married! Jenny is hecka awesome.
* My childhood best friend, Michelle got married!
* Natalee will be home in less than two weeks!
* I'm going to be an adult soon. 21 is right around the corner. Gross.
* My family is taking a trip to Washington/Oregon/California in July!
* Really, my life is kinda boring... but that's okay.

Life really is good, but things are harder now then they ever have been. I think it's because before, I could see so much progress in myself and my situation. But now, I'm kinda stuck between the way I use to do things, and how I have to do things now. It's also hard, because everyones life keeps going on... and mine feels it's at a standstill. I don't really feel like anyone can connect with what I'm going through now. (Besides my Savior, obviously) It's hard, because I'm always asked how my foot is doing... and nothing changes. Everyone, including myself, could see so much progress before, but now I'm just waiting. I feel like people are expecting me to get better. When all I can do it wait. If there was something I could, I'd do it, but I can't. I just feel really alone in this. Everyone just assumes I'm fine.... which I am.... but it would be nice for someone to validate how sucky this is. Sometimes, I feel I'm stuck having a good attitude, because that's what people expect. I want to have a good attitude, don't get me wrong, but sometimes it just stinks. I want it to be okay that this is hard for me. I'm stuck with the loss of my old life, and I don't know how to transition into my new one. I feel like part of who I am has kinda died. I feel I have to find myself again. It can't be like how it was before. I can't go back to that. Earlier, it was easy to get lost in working towards getting better... but now that I'm about as good as I'm going to get for awhile, I feel I have all this time to compare my old life with my new. It's hard to be patient when I don't know what I'm being patient for. I hate how unknown my future is right now. The nerve could heal, but it also couldn't. No one knows. I feel I need to find a new direction to go towards, but I can't find it.

But, uh, on a lighter note. I'm really okay. Not fantastic, but not bad. I'm definitely ready for some change. It'd be nice if it was something amazing and wonderful, but I'll take what I can get. I'm really excited for school to start. The busier I can be, the happier I'll be.


  1. I was so happy you were able to make it to my wedding. On a different note, I do think its okay to mourn how things were. You still have an amazing attitude about everything. I keep praying for you and I hope everything will work perfectly.

  2. I was so happy to see you at the wedding. I admire how you are handling your trials in life, but I always knew you are awesome!