Tuesday, August 24, 2010

OH. MY. LANTA. (I know right.)

If you are reading this, you should leave a comment including:

1. Your blog address so I may blog stalk you.
2. Your favorite ice cream flavor. (This will determine how close of friends we have the potential of being.)
3. Your favorite saying(s), and why. Mine tie-"Oh my lanta!" and "I know right". Actually, I started saying, "I know right" as a joke, but now it's kinda habit... I think it has rubbed off on people I talk to a lot... but it's cool... just know whenever you say it around me, I'm laughing on the inside.
4. Uh... I really only wanted to find out blog addresses that I don't have... but still answer the other questions...

Awesome. PLEASE leave a comment... Thanks. If you don't leave a comment... Thanks anyway, you are still swell.

Much love,

Friday, August 20, 2010



Okay, so life is being a little ridiculous right now. I'm getting a little sick of just having to deal with things. I'm sorry to vent, but I don't know what else to do and this might make me feel better. I just, gah, really? Really? Life is trying to suck more. Haven't I been through enough? I'm pretty sure I deserve a break. Yes, yes I do. I'm completely awesome, I've worked my freakin tail off the past 8 months to stay afloat. I dunno, I thought I would've cracked a long time ago. I'm tough, I've been through so much. I deserve a little happiness. I'm not expecting a lot, just a little happiness. I know life is what you make it, and I know in an hour I'll probably be fine and I'll be laughing my head off at something that really isn't that funny. But, I deserve more than that. I deserve to be happy. Gah. I dunno. This is not making sense. I'm just sooooo stressed and all these little things keep adding up, which makes the load I have to carry even harder. I'm just tired. I need a break. I've spent my whole life helping people, and making sure everyone else was okay, even if that meant things sucked for me. I want it to be my turn. I'd do anything to make the people around me happy, why isn't there anyone like that for me? Just seems kinda cheap. After going through all of this, I've learned that it's good and okay to ask for help. I kinda have to now, always ask for help, and that's a good thing. But now, all the support is gone, and this is just when things are getting harder. I need a little help. Just a little, I'm use to none, so a little will go a long long long way.



Okay, on the bright side, work was fun. It was actually really nice because I was having a hard day, but apparently it was "Compliment Nichelle Day". That helped. A lot. I like being told how creative I am, how well I do things and how fast I get things done. Actually, all of my employers have loved me. Not to tute my own horn, but I do catch on fast, and I do work fast, and my work is awesome. TUTE TUTE! Nichelle is awesome. Heh. Not really. But, I do try to do my best. I'm definately not the worker I use to be. I can't handle 4 jobs anymore. But, yeah. I'm okay. Just kinda sick of crappy things happening to me. But, school is starting soon. That will be a nice change. I still have to find a job, the grant that is paying for me at my current job ends at the end of September. But, anyway...I can't wait to make new friends, meet new people and take on new challenges. This is a MUCH needed change.

Oh yeah, I get to sing in church on Sunday! Yay! I love singing. I hope I do okay. Blah... I love singing, but that doesn't mean people love hearing me sing....

(Sorry if there are lots of typo's----I'm pretty sure that's the fastest I've ever typed anything... It really was a vent... maybe I'll come back and edit it later... or not... I dunno... but sorry if it is hard to read)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Well, they say a picture is worth a thousand words... Here's a few thousand words for you...

Sunday, August 8, 2010

"It's the storm, not you, that's bound to blow away."

So, I've had quite a bit on my mind lately. You probably haven't seen me this week because I've kept to myself, but if you have, you've probably noticed I've been extra quiet. Well, depending on who you are, that may or not be normal. But, it's been extra quiet for those who normally see the quiet Nichelle, and I haven't really talked AT ALL for those who know... the "other" Nichelle.

By the way, I'm fine. Don't get me wrong. I'm not breaking down or anything, just a little overwhelmed with... everything. For instance, school's starting soon (I'm way excited, but nervous... mainly for campus... and walking... and handling everything) plus, I won't know if they can keep me on past summer or not yet at my job, also, the pain is increasing... many sleepless nights... and the normal stresses and worries that come from being 21. (Plus a little extra worry- cause I'm Nichelle.)

I dunno. I'm just really glad today is Sunday. It could not have come at a better time. Definitely need it. I just feel like I've been at the end of my rope for... hmmm... 6 months.... I dunno. Is it so bad to want to have something good happen for a change? I'm fine, if it's not. But, shouldn't I get a cupcake or something, ANYTHING for being a big girl through all of this. I'm tired of being content because I have to be, and I choose to be content. I would really like to happy. That would be nice. Truly scrumptious, actually. At times, I simply feel like I'm not capable of handling this. I know that in the grand scheme of things, this trial will be as nothing... but... it sure feels like nothing is a whole lot, right now.

I just also have a lot of decisions to make right now too. I mean, naturally, it's that time in my life. I'm just scared of making a wrong decision, or hurting someone, or causing myself to hurt... I dunno, all of this on top of everything that comes with my current trial is just a little overwhelming.

I know I just have to keep holding on. But, lately, that's been feeling a little hard.


Alright... about to go musical nerd on you... but here is the orgin for the title of this post...

"Hold On"
The Secret Garden

What you've got to do is
Finish what you have begun,
I don't know just how,
But it's not over 'til you've won!

When you see the storm is coming,
See the lightning part the skies,
It's too late to run-
There's terror in your eyes!
What you do then is remember
This old thing you heard me say:
"It's the storm, not you,
That's bound to blow away."

Hold on,
Hold on to someone standing by.
Hold on.
Don't even ask how long or why!
Child, hold on to what you know is true,
Hold on 'til you get through.

(P.S. More lyrics... but this is all I'm putting up...)