Thursday, July 29, 2010

Silver Linings, Warm Fuzzies and Tender Mercies.

So, don't get me wrong, LIFE IS AWESOME, I am so blessed, but, life is pretty tough. I sometimes get caught up in thinking about all the things that have happened recently. I start to ask questions like, Why did this happen or... Why did this person do that or... Why are they treating me that way or... Why doesn't something good happen for a change? But, that is a horrible way of thinking. So, since it's too dang hot for me to fall asleep, I thought I would write about the blessings in my life. Because those are the things I should be focusing on anyway. Right? Right.

Okay, first off... This one is awesome....

For those of you who don't know, parking at USU is RIDICULOUS. When I say ridiculous, I mean REALLY RIDICULOUS. It sometimes makes me want to go to a different school...

BUT... since I am "disabled" I can now park in ANY handicap parking spot on campus!
Yes. Yes! YES!

Alright, next little warm fuzzy that has happened recently is that there have been so many amazing sunsets recently! Well, and sunrises on the nights where I can't sleep due to pain... but seriously, they have BEEN AMAZING!

I've stopped so many times just to look at the sunsets, or the sky, or the clouds, or the mountains... recently all have been amazing, and just soaked in the love of my Savior. I don't know how you can look at the world around you and not feel of God's love. These miraculous miracles remind me of how blessed I am and of God's great power and love. If he can create something so beautiful, surely he can help me with my measly problems. All I have to do is go to him, and he will, and has helped and blessed me in ways I couldn't even imagine. He has made the blessings I need turn into things so grand and wonderful I couldn't even imagine them when I asked for his help. I am truly blessed.

Two words. My Family.

 I would be lost without my Family. We have gotten so much closer since my accident. I think it made us all realise how short life really is, and how important it is for us to show our love to each other. I love my Family. I can't imagine going through this without them. Words cannot describe how I feel about them. All words are inadequate to convey my love for them.

Obviously, after Family you talk about Friends!

 But, I really do feel like I have the most amazing friends ever! Ha ha, some of them are pretty crazy, but I have such a special group of friends. Especially, my friends from my Singles Branch. It honestly is a very special place. I've never been in a Singles Ward like the Summit Creek Branch. We all truly love each other, and are there for each other. Everyone who is there, is definitely there for a reason and purpose. I love how we all accept each other for our flaws, imperfections and in my case, they accept me with my crazy. I don't know of another place that I can have such a diverse group of people, who you wouldn't normally would think be in the same group of friends, be so close and so caring for one another.


 Oh man, I love this girl. We've gotten so close recently. We have the best conversations. Ba ha. We are definitely two peas in the crazy pod. We sometimes don't act our age, but we are always so happy. But, not only that, we have the best spiritual discussions, and she is always there when I need someone to lean on.

Volleyball Tuesday.

It may be kinda random to be grateful for this, but I am. I don't feel as restricted in Volleyball as I do in other activities. I can actually keep up and do as well as everyone else. But, in other physical activities, it's obvious how much I struggle to keep up.

The Merrill's.

My second parents are THE TOP reason I go to the Branch. I love the Branch regardless, but I go first and foremost for my Savior, but the reason after that, is the Merrill's. Not my friends. They are such an anchor in my life. I love them so much. I definitely have needed them in my life recently through all my trials. Especially, Sister Merrill... We have a bond I don't think most have with her. She's a very special lady, and I am very honored to not only know her, but to have a close relationship with her.

My Grandpa Don.

My Grandpa has been a guiding light in my life for as long as I can remember. When he was alive, I always considered him my best friend. Well, he still is my best friend, but I've allowed others to be my best friend too now... before it was Grandpa, and Grandpa only. He died a few months before I turned 8, but even though I was relatively young, his influence has always been a key part in helping me get through trials. The last thing my Grandpa said to me was, "Everything will be okay." So, no matter how hard things get, or how desperate, alone, afraid, inadequate or fearful I feel, I remember that last tender, special, sacred moment with my Grandpa. I trust him with all my heart, and if Grandpa promised that throughout my life everything would be okay, then everything WOULD be okay. There's no way they can't. Thank you Grandpa, I love you.

My Savior, Jesus Christ.

Grateful is not a grand enough word. Neither is love. But, I am so very, very, very grateful for my Savior, and I love him so very much. I feel honored, blessed and humbled to be a member of his Church and to have all the blessings I have. It truly amazes me the blessings I have received in my life. I do not feel worthy of all that I have. I'm grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know that it is the only place where the gospel is restored to it's fullest. I'm grateful for the Book of Mormon and modern Prophets which give me guidance and direction. I'm grateful for my Savior, and his atoning sacrifice for me personally, so that I may return to my Heavenly Father. I'm grateful for the knowledge I have that Families can be together forever, and that I will be resurrected. And one day, if not in this life, my body will be made whole again. I'm so grateful for Priesthood in my life, and that I'm surrounded by so many strong, valiant, noble and worthy men who hold it. I know with out this power I would not be here today, and that my recovery would not be as miraculous as it has been. My life is nothing short of a miracle. I'm so very grateful. I love my Savior with all my heart. I fail miserably, but I strive to serve him in all I do, act and say. I know he loves me, and all of God's children. I love and trust him with all my heart.

He lives.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Smiling's my FAVORITE!

So, I don't know what the change is. But I'm pretty dang happy right now. I feel like myself again. I just want to help people and serve, and have people rely on me. Before, I wanted to do those things but I felt so defeated and useless, so I didn't think I could. But lately, I feel like I can do anything! Don't get me wrong, it's really hard. And behind closed doors, I still cry and wish my body was normal again... But, things are different. Nothing got easier, nothing changed for the better, I still think this is completely hard and overwhelming, but... knowing that life is a little crappy right now doesn't really effect me. I'm happy. I feel like Nichelle again. It's a really good feeling.

It's probably that summer air and the beautiful sunshine that did the trick. I just wanted whoever cares... and bothers to read this... that right now... I'm really happy. Just as happy as I ever have been. Which is ironic because the last few days the pain has gotten so much worse. If you're around me and a turn my face away from anyone, it's because I don't want everyone to see the amount of pain I'm in. I have the "blessing" of not being able to hide my emotion. If I'm sad, you'll know, if I'm happy, you'll know... and when I am in incredible pain... you can definitely see it. But, I just tell myself that pain is a good thing. I like to pretend that pain means it's trying to fix itself, that's probably not the case, but it helps me cope so I tell myself that when the pain gets really bad.

At least I can feel it. It would be so much harder to walk if I didn't have as much feeling as I do. I'm getting pretty good, you can't tell when I have my brace on that's something is wrong. But, it's summer, so I'm usually wearing shorts or capri's so you can see the brace... Lol... But other than that you can't tell!
I actually have been going to swing dancing like I use to. I can't do all my tricks, but I can definitely do some. I just have to adjust how I land. (adjust adjust adjust... that's all I do these days.) (It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” -Charles Darwin... I'm in survival mode people!) I can't dance yet to the faster pace songs, and the fast line dances are kinda hard... but at least I'm out there trying.

My next goal is to try to jog... we'll see how much my brace can handle that. I was going to go yesterday, but life got kinda busy. But, I don't work on Fridays and I don't have stuff til later... So... If I get up the courage I'll go. It's amazing how nerve racking it is to try to jog! My body is all out of whack... I'm kinda scared to make things worse by pushing myself to much. I was stubborn and didn't wear my brace one day... which is totally fine... except for the fact that I didn't compensate for NOT having it and I rolled my bad ankle. It was sooooo painful! It made my whole leg freak out! My nerves apparently can only handle one injury at a time. I've rolled my ankle before during lacrosse and this time was so much worse! I couldn't walk for two days. I literally had to hop everywhere. (My right leg is in FANTASTIC shape by the way...)

Well, I guess we'll see how attempt number one at jogging goes today. Cross your fingers! Well, by the time someone reads this... I will have already attempted my daring adventure! ;)

Well, I just wanted to say that I'm doing good. I'm worn, drained, worried and scared... but I'm happy.

(This is little Nichelle!)

Saturday, July 10, 2010



I made a video to say thanks to those who helped me get through the past 6 months...


Friday, July 2, 2010



I will be partying it up the next while, because it's my birthday weekend.

I will continue partying throughout July, because it is my birth month.

July 5th is my birthday, and it will be epic.

July 21st is my 21st birthday party, which will also be epic.

I will continue partying all life long.