So, I've had quite a bit on my mind lately. You probably haven't seen me this week because I've kept to myself, but if you have, you've probably noticed I've been extra quiet. Well, depending on who you are, that may or not be normal. But, it's been extra quiet for those who normally see the quiet Nichelle, and I haven't really talked AT ALL for those who know... the "other" Nichelle.
By the way, I'm fine. Don't get me wrong. I'm not breaking down or anything, just a little overwhelmed with... everything. For instance, school's starting soon (I'm way excited, but nervous... mainly for campus... and walking... and handling everything) plus, I won't know if they can keep me on past summer or not yet at my job, also, the pain is increasing... many sleepless nights... and the normal stresses and worries that come from being 21. (Plus a little extra worry- cause I'm Nichelle.)
I dunno. I'm just really glad today is Sunday. It could not have come at a better time. Definitely need it. I just feel like I've been at the end of my rope for... hmmm... 6 months.... I dunno. Is it so bad to want to have something good happen for a change? I'm fine, if it's not. But, shouldn't I get a cupcake or something, ANYTHING for being a big girl through all of this. I'm tired of being content because I have to be, and I choose to be content. I would really like to happy. That would be nice. Truly scrumptious, actually. At times, I simply feel like I'm not capable of handling this. I know that in the grand scheme of things, this trial will be as nothing... but... it sure feels like nothing is a whole lot, right now.
I just also have a lot of decisions to make right now too. I mean, naturally, it's that time in my life. I'm just scared of making a wrong decision, or hurting someone, or causing myself to hurt... I dunno, all of this on top of everything that comes with my current trial is just a little overwhelming.
I know I just have to keep holding on. But, lately, that's been feeling a little hard.
Alright... about to go musical nerd on you... but here is the orgin for the title of this post...
The Secret Garden
What you've got to do is
Finish what you have begun,
I don't know just how,
But it's not over 'til you've won!
When you see the storm is coming,
See the lightning part the skies,
It's too late to run-
There's terror in your eyes!
What you do then is remember
This old thing you heard me say:
"It's the storm, not you,
That's bound to blow away."
Hold on to someone standing by.
Don't even ask how long or why!
Child, hold on to what you know is true,
Hold on 'til you get through.
(P.S. More lyrics... but this is all I'm putting up...)