So the past couple days have been really hard for me. Usually when I get down, or I notice that my mood isn't where it should be, I find someway to help someone or to serve someone else. For me this really helps, I know the reason I start feeling down or sorry for myself is because I start to get selfish. But ever since the injury, the only thing I feel capable of is asking for help. I need to find uplifting ways to spend my time while being injured.
I just came back from one of my best friends going away party, it was really hard. I know I'll see my friend again, and we weren't saying goodbye's... the reason that it was hard was because all I could was sit on the couch. Most of the activites that were going on required you to be moving around. Since I can't even stand for very long without loosing my balance it was hard to be there. It's so frustrating constantly being in pain, and not being able to do the simple things that I could not that long ago. I feel that I'm on my wits end. I feel bad for being sad about this, because so many people have helped me so much, but I still get sad about my leg. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing something wrong, normally during hard times, I find reasons to be content, but today I can't seem to do that. I guess I just want someone else to just sit with me. I feel very alone in what I'm going through. I have support from family and friends, but I'm the only one who can't walk.
I'm so grateful for the Savior and knowing he is always there for me, I'm grateful for my famliy and friends. When the burden get's hard, they all are so patient with me. But, I feel I'm stuck in a rut, so any advice would be helpful. I guess, I'm mostly frustrated because I'm so use to doing things, and helping in any way that I can, and now I can't do anything. All the things that gave me joy, helping others, being active, or simply walking over to someone that looked like they needed help, I can't do anymore. I guess, if I can't be the one to go help people, I wish people would come help me. I know most of the people in my life would do anything for me if I asked. But I don't want to ask, I want someone to know what I need. But that's a tall order to fill.
I guess... I'm sending out into the abyss of cyber space a call for help and comfort...